The Latest Addiction

Did you hear that David Duchovny is going to rehab for his sex addiction? Don't laugh, apparently it's a real disease.

Now I don't know much about addiction (except food addiction, which is whole other story) but it's hard for me to take this addiction as seriously as those that have easily identifiable scientific bases.

A mean, if you're an alcoholic or a cocaine addict and you go to rehab, don't you learn to stop doing it all together FOREVER? Or at least isn't that the goal?

If so, what do the sex addicts learn in rehab? It certainly isn't to abstain from IT for the rest of their lives. SO, is it really an addiction?

I'm sure it's problem but do we need to call every problem in our society an addiction and create rehab programs for it?

Maybe we should start opening rehab programs for procrastination addiction?

Procrastination can destroy lives too!

The Big Divide

I wasn't going to write about this issue because I was afraid of being judged. Judged by the people that know me and will read this post and the people that have never met me but will come across this by some circumstance.

What I was hesitant to write about is the almost visceral reaction of one political party to the other and the incredible divide between people on the two sides. I'm certainly not knowledgeable enough to dive into any of the actual political issues here on this blog but I'm a citizen of this country (by choice not by birth) and I have both the right and the responsibility to vote for our next President.

I've found that there is so much judgement on each side when you try to even bring the up the possibility that someone on the other side might have redeeming qualities. If you say that you are still thinking about who to vote for, each side will look at you with disgust and suspicion. How could you even think about voting for HIM, they think. I can't even look at you! Who ARE you? The notion that issues are complex and that the candidates are made up of many different experiences and convictions is lost on many of these people.

They only see the choice through the issues that they find most important and cannot even fathom why you would hesitate to be on their side of the isle.

I understand these people. I debate the same issues that they find important with my friends and at times, I'm the one looking at them with disgust and suspicion. That's something I'm not proud of.

I don't have an answer to this issue. I can't just say that everyone needs to be more open minded about the issues and the candidates because that would be too naive. But I hope that at least we can respect each other enough to allow for some dialogue about the choices we have to lead our country.

Proud To Be An American

Wow, wow, wow, I just watched McCain introduce Sarah Palin as his VP running mate. I love it. McCain really shook up this presidential race with his pick.

Now I'm watching her speak. It's pretty good and I can't help but admire a mother of FIVE children that has accomplished so much. I think her youngest was just two years old when she was elected as Governor of Alaska. She was also the youngest person to be elected to that position at age 42. That's just COOL!

She just finished her speech and I thought she was very gracious, warm and articulate. I also liked that she expresses her admiration for Geraldine Ferarro and Hillary Clinton in terms of their efforts before her to break that big glass ceiling!

I have to tell you, I LOVE this race. I love this country. I love that I live here and enjoy all the great benefits of this amazing democratic system. With all of its faults and short comings, it's still the best system in the world and I'm proud to call it my home.

Let the games begin!

Being BlackberryLESS

My husband and kids came with me to my office today to help me pack up my stuff. Seven years worth of stuff!

It's still all so surreal. How can you invest so much of yourself and your life in an endeavor and then one day just walk away from it all? Walk away with nothing but memories and experience (and 10 boxes of stuff!).

It wasn't just a job to me, it was my job. I really worked at it as if it was my own company. So in a lot of ways I feel like I'm walking away from a part of myself, something that I helped build.

I really can't imagine not caring what happens to it or checking my blackberry constantly to see the latest development. I've had the blackberry with me nonstop since the first day I got it, including when I was in the hospital giving birth to both of my sons (yup, I actually e-mailed my boss while in my hospital bed with contractions practically on top of each other!).

Next week I will give it up.

I wonder how I'll feel without work to worry about every day.

The Bill and Hillary Show

Did you see Hillary Clinton's speech last night?

I thought it was SO great. Even though I don't always agree with Hillary, I still love her. I love her strength, her tenacity, her intelligence and her pure unapologetic ambition and conviction. I was so jazzed up last night watching her speak.

I know she had (and still has) a real likability problem but I'm not sure any woman could get to that position without being tough and what many label as "aggressive" or "abrasive" which I don't think they would say if she was a man.

I'm not going to get into the politics of it all but it is exciting to think of a woman of such strength coming so close to being the leader of the world's super power.

OK, I've got to go now, the Bill Clinton love fest is in full bloom...he's literally begging people to stop applauding and to sit down so he can start his speech.

Have you looked at him lately? He's gotten so OLD. Yikes, it seems like only yesterday that he was in his 40s, now he looks like he's in his 60s.

But he's got the smile-charm offensive thing down pat...and the white man's overbite thing he does is hilarious.

OK, OK, I really gotta go...Mr. Clinton is in full blown charming-the-crowd mode!

Terrible Terrible Thoughts

What I'm about to share with you is completely politically incorrect so please feel free to stop reading now if you are easily offended. On a side note, the runner up title of my blog was something to the effect of "One Politically Incorrect Woman's Journey Through This Crazy Thing Called Life."

Back to the issue at hand. Several months ago I went on a tour of a preschool in the area. It was during the day so the classes were going on while we walked around the school. Everything seemed pretty standard, teachers, little kids, toys, books, crafts etc. Then we walked into the three year old class.

The minute we walked in I noticed that instead of a woman, there was a young man directing the class. He was in his early 20s. Instantly, I felt weird about that fact. The fact that this young guy was with these three year old boys and girls all day long. Then I felt awful for feeling weird. Then I felt weird again.

The truth is that, even though I don't like it, I am more comfortable with a female teacher than a male teacher, especially for toddlers. Intellectually I know that men and woman can be equally appropriate for the task of taking care of and teaching children. But emotionally I'm definitely not there. Emotionally I'm worried and nervous and somewhat suspicious of this guy, even though I don't know a thing about him.

Trust me, I know it's seriously wrong. I'm just telling you what how I felt in the pit of my stomach at that moment.

There are so many up sides to being a man in our society but at that moment, I understood one of the down sounds. I realized how incredibly unfair it was that some people, like me, judged men in these types of positions based on some awful stereotype.

Even though my instinct is to judge in this type of situation, I do my best to fight that instinct and give each individual a chance to be themselves and not a stereotype of themselves.

Unfortunately, I don't always win that fight.

A Promise Is A Promise

Every couple of weeks I rethink my original promise to write every single day. I'm not sure it makes sense. I'm happy that I've pushed myself to keep my promise and write something since the first day I started blogging but I sometimes I think I'm doing a disservice to some of my posts to just give them one day as THE post.

This dilemma reminds me of the Hollywood mantra...you're only as good as your last movie. Well, bloggers seem to be judged by their last post and if that's the case, I'm in a pretty sorry state. Writing every day means that I can't give any one post that much time or thought. In fact, I write the vast majority of my posts in about 20 minutes between putting the kids to sleep and passing out from exhaustion. Don't get me wrong, I've found the challenge of writing every day exhilarating. It has forced me to look at a blank screen every single night and through shear will come up with something at least mildly coherent to share. You see why I'm conflicted.

Since I can't decide on my own, I'd like to ask my loyal readers (the handful of you that I will love forever for reading my blog), what you think about this dilemma?

Should I stay with EVERYDAY?

Clear The Forest

This morning I was at the community pool and I encountered an unpleasant scene.

I was swimming around with my children minding my own business when suddenly I was confronted with something very disturbing. There, a mere inches from my face was what can only be described as a hairy mass. Yes ladies, I was faced with not one but at least three women that had neglected to adequately clear the forest, so to speak. It was both unpleasant and, to be honest, just gross.

Listen, I'm the first one to give hairy women some slack. I'm a hairy person myself so I understand the burden that hairy women face. But seriously, it's a public place for goodness sake, have some decency and remove unwanted hair.

OK, OK, I know, mothers are busy, they have lots to do and not necessarily enough time to take care of business down there blah blah blah (I even wrote a post recently about my own shaving dilemma) but COME ON, if you haven't had time to do it, then either don't go to a PUBLIC pool or wear shorts.

You think I like the painful ritual of hair removal? Trust me, I hate it like the plague but if I want to be seen out in public in a bathing suit, I do it. And if not, then I stay home. Today, there were several mothers that came to the pool but chose to wear shorts over their bathing suits and I, for one, thought it looks perfectly appropriate. And I was thankful for their prudent decision.

I think we've moved a little too far in the non-judgement direction these days. We don't want to judge anyone for anything they do, especially mothers judging mothers. And I agree with a lot of the don't-judge mantra, but in this case I think maybe a little judging might be a good idea.

Clear the forest ladies...do it for both of us!

Mid Life Crisis

This morning, I told a woman I've met a few times in the park that I'm having a mid life crisis.

I didn't mean an actual mid life crisis, whatever that is, I meant something more like, there are all these crazy things happening in my life and I'm making big changes. It was my lame attempt t0 be funny and maybe a little outrageous (I like to be outrageous sometimes as my friends will attest).

The look on her face was something I was not expecting or prepared for. She looked at me with such pity and sadness. She just looked at me for a few seconds and then said "Oh, I'm SO sorry." Wow, what if I was really having a crisis, would her reaction have been appropriate? I'm not sure. I immediately told her that I was kidding and that I was just being dramatic. That in fact, things were fine and I had just decided to make some big fun changes in my life. Then my husband, God bless him, tried to lighten the mood by saying "if you see her driving up in a red convertible sports car you'll know that she is actually having a mid life crisis."

The rest of the play date was fine but it shook me up a little and made me think again about this blogging medium.

We can share so much of our sad times on these electronic pages that we cannot share with "real" individuals in our everyday lives because of the fear of seeing that face. That sad face full of pity. No one wants to see that. We want to be able to share our sorrow in a way that will be both liberating and comforting without fear of judgement or pity.

The Internet, and more specifically the blogging community, allows for that freedom and I think that's fantastic.

Bridging the Gap

I'm hoping that this will be the first of many posts on why I think blogging is great, especially for mothers.

The first thing that I've found is that it creates a bridge between working mothers and stay at home mothers that is not present in "real life." The blogosphere allows for women to share experiences that they do not necessarily have a place to share.

By a place, I mean an actual physical location. The week days are filled with connections and experiences for both groups of mothers but their respective lives don't intersect with each other enough to allow for the two groups to share these with each other. The space between them restricts the ability of many women to connect to their counterparts across the isle.

The Internet, however, provides a neutral place where both groups can share and connect in a new way. I've loved seeing how mothers express their thoughts, experiences, loves, sadnesses, anxieties and joys on the Internet in a way that connects these two groups to each other.

Also, because the Internet is at women's fingerprints whether it be in the office or at home, they can share and connect in real time. That exchange creates a new paradigm for the relationship of mothers. It opens an entire new world for them and in that world, the connections are deeper and more intimate than they could ever be in a "real life" environment such a playground.

The Internet provides the kind of freedom of thought and emotion that allow mothers to reach across the isle and share pieces of their lives that are common to each other.

The common elements allow the groups to connect without judgement (for the most part) and that has been beautiful and inspiring to watch.

Three Strikes

Today the loveliest thing happened. And by lovely I mean mortifying and embarrassing.

I took my son to the doctor for his third year checkup. Everything was going well. In fact, I was shocked that my son was following the nurse's instructions so well for the eye test, "close one eye and tell me what letter you see in this line." Is that my son? I was so proud.

So when the doctor sat down with us to go over his statistic I was feeling pretty good and maybe a little cocky about my great mothering skills and my well behaved son.

Her questions were standard, how were his verbal skills, his coordination, etc. Then she asked about his eating habits.

"How is he doing with eating his fruits and vegetables?"

She asked the question without looking up from her sheet of paper.

I was just about to explain that I try to force him to eat vegetables but the only thing he'll eat is carrots, when suddenly, my son said in his outside voice with great conviction, "I don't LIKE eating vegetables!" Ouch! Strike one.

The doctor stopped writing and looked up at my son and in a very sweet but serious voice and said, "but vegetables are very good for you, they make you big and strong."

He thought about it for a few seconds and then said, "is chips a vegetable?" Yikes. Strike two.

Bad grammar aside, I was mortified!

I then jumped in nervously and said to my son, "sweetie, you know chips are not a vegetable." Then I quickly turned to the doctor and said a little sheepishly "really, we don't eat that many chips in our house."

Then I started on this long monologue about how he does eat carrots but resists other vegetables and I really try to sneak in other vegetables in his food, when my son interrupted us by asking "are NUGGETS a vegetable?" And there it was. Strike THREE!

I couldn't tell from the doctor's face what exactly she was thinking but I had a pretty good idea. I had gone from feeling cocky to inadequate and embarrassed that my son had no idea what vegetables were!

But I couldn't get angry. I just laughed and turned to my son and said, "no sweetie, nuggets are not a vegetable. Carrots are a vegetable."

Did I tell you that my son loves carrots?

A Little Secret

Can I let you in on a little secret?

I am terrified that I just made a gigantic mistake quitting my job. I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing. I know it feels right but I have nothing really substantive to back it up. I’m acting on pure gut feeling. I’m taking a big step towards a totally unknown new life and it feels good (and SO scary).

My identity, in a lot of ways, has been tied to my career for the last 14 years. A career that has given me so many rewards and accolades. So to give that up is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done (that’s one of the reasons it has taken me 8 months to finally quit all together). What if I never get that part of my identity back? What if I lose it forever? Who will I be then?

I don’t know. But I’m willing to take a chance to find out. Find out who I am without it. I’m hoping to find something even better than what I know today.

Please Don't Go (think KC and the Sunshine Band)

After getting my e-mail about wanting to quit, my boss called me into his office and said the following:

I love you
Yeah Babe, I love you so
I want you to know
That I'm going to miss your love
The minute you walk out that door
(Chorus)
So please don't go
Don't go
Don't go away
Please don't go
Don't go
I'm begging you to stay
If you leave
At least in my lifetime
I've had one dream come true
I was blessed to be loved
By someone as wonderful as you

OK, so he didn't exactly say "I love you" or that he was "blessed to be loved by someone as wonderful" as me since that would be super weird and creepy but the general theme was similar to the chorus...he didn't want me to go.

But after a few let's-try-to-make-it-work and how-can-I-change-your-mind conversations, he was very respectful of my decision and asked only that I consider an arrangement that would allow for him to reach out to me for distinct projects in the future (which I'm considering).

So for the next few weeks I'm going to be doing my work and trying to organize seven years of projects and programs into neat little folders and appropriately named files!

Fun, fun, fun.

For Better or For Worse

I did it. I finally did it. I quit my job tonight. I e-mailed my boss when I got home and I told him that I would be doing a disservice to him, my company and my family if I went through with the new schedule that I had proposed (and he agreed to) knowing all along that it wouldn't work. I said that I would rather leave on good terms than go through with a transition that would frustrate both of us.

You see, he expects so much from me and I also expect a great deal from myself when it comes to my work. I don't know how to do it half way. That's a strange thing to say for someone who's been working "part-time" for three years. But my part-time schedule has been robust enough that I've been able to do the job of a full time person. I've lead complex projects and critical company efforts successfully and have been able to be available whenever necessary.

But now I want something different for my life. I want to have more time with my husband and children and I want to explore new prospects and professional possibilities. I just want to be free of this job. It's been seven years of good times and bad and I'm ready to leave.

I know tomorrow will not be fun. But I will stand by my decision!

It's time.

The Age of Why

I've recently been spending a lot of time answering the question "why." I'm thrilled that my son is so curious about the world but the constant questions are starting to drive me nuts! I mean really, how many whys can I possibly answer. The first few are always pretty easy but then it gets into crazy territory.

Here is a conversation I had literally five seconds ago:

son: "mommy, where is uncle A?"

me: "he went home."

son: "Why?"

me: "Because he came to visit for a few days and now he has to go to his own house."

son: "Why?"

me: "Because he likes his house."

son: "Why?"

me: "Because all of his stuff is in his house."

son: "Why?"

me: "Because just like you have your toys in our house, he has his thing in his own house."

son: [you guessed it] Why?

Every time the WHY marathon begins, I'm determined to go toe to toe with him. I keep answering the questions thinking that I can outlast him but I repeatedly underestimate his stamina. He, very much like the energizer bunny, keeps going and going and going!

I haven't done it yet, but I'm THIS close to stooping down to the the level of saying in my outside voice, "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

Clean Shaven Legs

It's Saturday night and I'm exhausted. Things have been so busy these days that I feel like I'm just rushing through the day from one thing to another with no time to sit back and enjoy any one of them.

Today, I was so mixed up that I went to a birthday pool party an hour EARLY! I was standing there with my son looking around and wondering why no one else was there (we were supposed to meet at the pool of an apartment building complex). Then when I called my friend, I thought it was strange that she sounded surprised to hear from me and said that she wasn't ready yet but would come and get me at the pool as soon as she could. Aren't we supposed to meet out here? Why isn't she here already? It took me a good three minutes to figure it out. Duh! I'm super early.

She kindly let us hang out in her apartment as she got ready for the party. I felt so bad. This is not how I imagined coming to her place for the first time.

It gets better. I was in such a rush this morning that I forgot to shave my legs for the party (it had been on my to do list for days but I just hadn't gotten to it!). But this was a pool party and my son would surely want me to go in the pool with him. After a few minutes of thinking about the awkwardness of what I was about to do, I asked my friend in a sheepish voice if I could borrow a razor to shave my legs. Yup, I did! I figured I had an hour before any of the other guests arrived so I might as well squeeze in one of my to dos.

That's what my life has come to. I don't even have time to shave my legs!!

So there I was in my friend's bathroom shaving my legs and thinking about how crazy I was when I just started laughing at myself (you know what they say about laughing so you don't cry!).

The rest of the day was one event after another...and now it's 10:30 pm and I'm about to pass out from exhausted.

My one big consolation...I have clean shaven legs!

It's The Little Things

Tonight I went to a neighborhood party and it was actually fun! Nothing crazy happened. We ate, drank, talked and laughed. Neither of the boys had any kind of meltdown, they both ate something and neither of them got into any kind of scuffle with any of the other dozen or so toddlers at the party. They're just getting to that age when the two of them can each play and have enough direction from us to be "good" boys (or at least have the potential to be).

So I'm happy. I'm just happy that we could be at a social gathering, that I could talk to a few people without interruption, that my boys played by themselves a little without any controversy or tears, and that my husband was so helpful.

It may not seem like much to some but to me, it was a monumental evening.

It's the little things that make me happy these days.

I'm Sorry, Armpits Are Just Funny

My friend Kate from The Big Piece of Cake called me today to tell me how funny she thought my No Armpits Please post was, and then we then spent the next 20 minutes just laughing about armpits and armpit stories.

After we got off the phone, I thought about how fun this blog has been. Even though only a handful of lovely ladies read my blog (BTW, did I tell you how much I love you for reading my blog handful-of-lovely ladies?!!), sharing my stories with them has been incredibly rewarding.

Someone asked me several months ago when I started the blog why I felt the need to put my thoughts on the Internet and why I didn't just write in a journal. Well, I told them, when you're sharing your thoughts with someone outside of yourself, it forces you to articulate your thoughts more thoroughly than if you were just going to write for yourself.

Now I realize it does SO much more than that. It not only helps makes you strive to be more thoughtful and funny about what you write, it also creates an opportunity for you to connect with amazing women that you would never have had the chance to meet or get to know otherwise.

So to all of you who have ever commented on this blog and who have not gotten a response or an e-mail from me, please know that your comment absolutely meant something to me. Sometimes I just don't know what to say and err on the side of saying nothing because I'm afraid to say something silly or worse, meaningless.

I want to say a big thank you to you all!

No Armpits Please

Ladies, please don't show off your armpits. It's a private area and should not be displayed!

I understand that it gets really hot in the summer and sometimes you want to wear a pretty dress or top that happens to be sleeveless to work or a formal event. Go ahead. Wear it. But please, I beg you, resist the urge to stretch your arms above your head or lean back in your chair casually and put your hands behind your head while in contemplation. You see, when you do that, you expose your naked armpit to the world and that's just not right.

And it's not just women (although you'll be hard pressed to find a man wearing a sleeveless shirt to work or a formal event! Can you even imagine that?) If a man ever did such a thing I'd be equally disturbed.

I have nothing against armpits generally, especially if they're nicely maintained (you know what I'm talking about ladies). I just think armpits are an area of the woman's body that should not be exposed. I think they are awkward, intimate and mildly sensual in nature (not to me but I know to some - warning, do not click on the link if you are an armpit prude) and therefore totally inappropriate for exposure in work or formal environments.

Lastly, I hate the word "armpit"...couldn't they come up with a less crass name? We don't call the area where our legs attach to our bodies legpits. The "pit" part of the word reminds of a slimy hard center of a fruit that you're awkwardly holding in your hand while looking for the trash after you've finished eating the delicious part...I know, lovely image.

Now, if I could remember to follow my own advice!

Go Ahead And Touch

As some of you might remember, last July 4th, I was involved in an embarrassing touching incident for which I was mortified for weeks!

In case you were wondering whatever happened with the woman in question, I have some good news to share, she just invited me to a party at her house.

Apparently, it pays to touch!

LOL

Wanting More is Good

Tonight, I'd like to send you to a beautiful post I just read by a blogger named AnyMommy. The post is called the Space Between and in it, this wonderful writer talks about the gap between the mother she is and the mother she wants to be...which, like for many of us, can be pretty big.

The gap is certainly large for me. I wish I could tell you that I'm happy with the mother I am. But I can't. I'm constantly thinking about how I should give my children more time, more attention, more patience, more guidance and even more love.

I wish I could tell you that I'm happy with the wife I am. But I can't do that either. I know that I could be a lot more patient with my husband and not as demanding and yes, bossy (as my family constantly reminds me that I am! Thanks y'all).

I wish I could tell you that I'm happy with the sister, daughter, friend, neighbor...and dozens other things that I am to different people. But again...the answer is that I CAN'T.

But I don't think it's bad that I can't. In fact, I'm thrilled (OK, thrilled might not be the perfect word but let's go with it for now for dramatic effect) that I'm not happy with myself in terms of all these relationships and roles. I'm happy because I know that as long as I'm unhappy, I'll be striving to be better. And that's how I want to live my life.

It might sound crazy but striving to be better is one of the best things I have going for me. I'm not great at a lot of things but at least I'm constantly trying (with admittedly only periodic success) to be a better version of me.

And in the end, I think wanting a better version is a great start: wanting more of yourself, wanting more of others and wanting more from life. That is, as long as you know that success comes with the true effort to get more and not necessarily with "more" itself.

Post Holiday Sunday Night Blues

Sunday night after a long wonderful holiday (what am I British? I mean vacation) is the most depressing time.

You just spent numerous wonderful days away from it all and even if it wasn't exactly the picture of relaxation (is there such a thing with toddlers?) you still had so much fun. You were in the sun, you went swimming, you played with the kids on the beach, and you pretty much ate and drank whatever you wanted (well almost whatever, you still had to fit in to your jeans to go home)! You almost didn't think about work or the stresses of your daily life at all!

But suddenly, it's Sunday night and you have but a few short hours before you have to go back to work and the daily to-dos. Aarghhh!

Oh, maybe it won't be SO bad...in fact, after the first few hours, you'll probably start to enjoy the routine of it all!

Like Water Off A Duck's Back

Flying back from our vacation today was quit a hectic affair. With a toddler and a lap child in tow, we trekked through the jungle that is the airport and somehow made it through our flights.

There were numerous ups and downs as you might expect on an all day traveling extravaganza with kids but one moment stood out for me.

There was a woman sitting in front of us that was very agitated during the flight. She was frustrated with the person sitting in her row that kept going to the bathroom and she made sure all of us around her knew it. She was fidgeting constantly and seemed almost like she was anxious about the whole notion of being on an airplane.

At one point towards the end of the flight, she stood up, turned around and made a comment about one of my kids that wasn't very nice. Instead of getting upset, I just took my son, who had been asleep most of the flight, and started quietly reading him a book. It was very unlike me (to be calm when encountering anger directed straight at me) but I just felt so zen about the whole thing.

Seeing my response, or lack thereof, the woman just sat back down, pushed her chair back into my lap and fell right asleep.

A few minutes later, as I was reading to my son, my husband reached over and gently took my hand in his. He then leaned in to me and said in a whisper, "sweetie, I'm so proud of you" and squeezed my hand. With just a few words and a light touch he filled my heart up right up. At that moment, I felt such happiness. I squeezed his hand, gave him a quick smile and kept reading to my son.

The rest of the flight was pretty much eventless. We went through the steps of getting our boys ready for landing. They were both great and we successfully made it home safe and sound.

That one moment reminded me of how important it is to not let the daily frustrations that we inevitably encounter take hold of us. It's not easy for me, but if I can win that battle even half the time, then I'll be happy.

Fight Club

I recently got into a fight with a nurse. It wasn't one of my proudest moments and looking back I wish I had just held my tongue and swallowed my frustrations. But I didn't. Here's what happened.

My friend recently came over to visit with her new baby boy. The baby was two months old. I was so excited about seeing her and catching up, especially because we hadn't seen each other in over three years and probably wouldn't again for several years.

She brought with her a nanny/nurse that was helping her with her baby for a few weeks. My friend had terrible problems with breast feeding and serious postpartum depression and the nurse was helping her get through this difficult period.

From the minute the nurse walked in, I knew there would be issues. As my friend was about to give me the baby to hold, the nurse said in a terse voice "you don't do it like that!" My friend explained to me a few minutes after we sat down (in a whisper without the nurse hearing) that even though the nurse seemed bossy, she had helped my friend get through her postpartum issues and she was grateful.

For the sake of my friend, I didn't respond to the ten other rude statements and interruptions that occurred during our brief meeting.

Then towards the end of the afternoon, my friend and I were talking about how her baby started sleeping through the night at 4 weeks. I said something to the effect of, "wow, that's unusual in such a young baby." The nurse responded simply, "no, it's not." That's when I decided that I could not let this go so I raised my tone just slightly and responded, "actually, I think IT IS unusual for a baby to sleep through the night so young. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying that it's unusual." She, like me, was not about to let it go and started telling me that I was wrong and that I only knew about my own children's sleeping habits and that in fact, it was NOT unusual.

At this point, there was a small explosion in my head (I was MAD) and I raised my voice quite a bit as I told the nurse that my statement was not based only on my children's sleeping habits but on conversations with numerous friends, my pediatrician and also on information I had read in a series of books about the issue of children's sleeping and eating habits.

At this point, my friend was stunned and generally mortified. She was giving me a look that said," just let it go, please!" I immediately calmed down. I felt so bad about losing my tempter and creating an awkward situation and I quickly said something to smooth out situation.

The rest of the afternoon wasn't as bad as you might imagine. I "made nice" with the nurse and just tried to enjoy the last few hours with my friend.

Even though I regret losing my temper with a total stranger over a silly issue, a small part of me loved fighting back!

Too Much Internet?

Good news. I made such a big deal about not having a computer that my dad went to great lengths to get his laptop fixed (thanks dad). Yea, I have access again to the world wide web!

And now, not only can I keep the promise to myself that I made the first day I started blogging, I can see what's going on with all the people that I've connected to through this medium. The Internet has quickly become a tool that is so much more powerful than I ever expected. Like having a phone, it's become critical in my daily interaction with my family, friends and professional colleagues and as strange as it may seem to some, not having access to it is like being cut off from the world.

Not only do I need it, I enjoy it so much more than I would have thought even six months ago. I'm an entertainment junkie and have loved watching TV since I was a little girl (and as an immigrant, I learned most of my cultural references from it) but the Internet has even surpassed the prized TV for entertainment.

One of the biggest down sides of the Internet, however, is that it is a solitary experience. You can't really spend a family evening in front of the Internet or cuddle with your husband on the couch watching/using the Internet. Of course, some would say that this is an up side because it allows you to do something just for you, and I agree to a certain extent. I would say, however, that for me, it can quickly suck a lot of time and if I don't watch myself, I can give the Internet what I should instead be giving my family.

Having said all of that, I'm thrilled to be typing this and to be able to say hello to you!

Suing Your Family

How much money would it take for you to sue your entire family?  What if 100 million dollars was at stake?  Would you sue your mother?  Stop talking to your children?  I know, it sounds absurd, but people do it.  And I'm not sure if I should judge them until I've been in their shoes. Let me explain. 

I recently read an interesting article in Vanity Fair about the Agnelli family, they are like the Kennedys of Italy, extremely rich and with lots of drama.  When the patriarch of the family died in 2003, the only daughter asked a series of questions about her father's estate (valued in the billions) that resulted in one of Italy's most talked about scandals.  The daughter, who is 52, has eight children and is angry that her father's wealth has been shrouded in secrecy and that certain of her children did not receive the inheritance that they deserved.  

She is suing her father's business confidants, and many of her family, including her mother and several of her children.  As a result,  she has been ostracized by a large portion of her family, including her mother and children.  Whether she's just blinded by the money or fighting for her disregarded children, I'm not sure, but it made me think about how families can be ripped apart, sometimes forever, because of money.

Whether its billions or hundreds, money can make people crazy and willing to do the most unspeakable things.  But what about me or you, what would it take for us to go to such extreme lengths?

I'm not sure about me.  Would I sue my mother to provide for my children?  I just can't imagine it.  I consider my parent's money theirs and think they can do whatever they want with it but, like I said, until I walk in those shoes, I just can't honestly say for sure what I would do.  

Power is Off

Hi ladies - It looks like I'll have to break my promise to blog every night.  My dad's computer has just died.  I'm using my brother's laptop for this post but he's leaving tomorrow so I'll be without a computer until I get home on Sunday night.

How will I survive you ask.  I don't know.  I'm so addicted to the Internet!  I love checking on my favorite sites every day and seeing what everyone is saying.  And it's been fun to try and come up with something to write every night...

Oh well, I'll survive.  Until next week my friends (or earlier if I go to extreme lengths to find another computer!) 

:)

Blank Slate

I'm on vacation and my mind is blank. But in a good way. I have no anxiety I can tell you about. Nothing eating at me or driving me nuts. I'm not tormented about my work, I'm not thinking about house projects and I'm not even thinking about the many plans I need to make for the events of the next few months.

No, today I had the simplest kind of fun. I went to a local festival in a small town by the ocean. I just sat and watched the waves crash against the sand and instead of contemplating life's mysteries, I just breathed and let the breeze brush against my face.

You see, for me, that's rare. I can never just let my mind have some rest. I'm in a constant state of contemplation. Whether it be about my family, my work or myself, my mind is always working.

But tonight, I am happy to report that my mind is at rest and hopefully I will be too in a few minutes.

Beijing Olympics

This Friday the summer Olympics are starting in Beijing, China. As you might have heard, there was a lot of controversy during the carrying of the torch because of China's treatment of the Tibetans.

I'm not a super political person but the issue of human rights generally and the struggle of the Tibetans specifically, has soured this Olympics for me.

How about you? Do you even watch the Olympics?

Sharing Your Stories

My friend from The Big Piece of Cake had a fun theme for her blog this last week...confessions. This made me think of how the Internet gives us (especially us bloggers) a somewhat false sense of security.  I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to having this sense.  I write about things on my blog that I would not in a million years tell a total stranger.  But when I'm writing my nightly post, I let my fingers explore feelings and thoughts that are sometimes very private.

Numerous blogs I've come across also have personal and private stories.  They open their doors and let us see what's inside their lives and by doing that, they connect to us.

I think there is something really beautiful about having the courage to be so open and raw.  It takes a kind of blind trust that I'm not sure I have.  But I'm dipping my toes in this world all the time and the water feels good!

Mother of Boys

I have two boys. I love my boys. I'm so happy that they are in my life. And most of the time, I'm sure that I don't want any more children. 

But there are those rare moments when I think about trying again for a girl.  Growing up, I always imagined myself having a girl. But fate dealt me another hand. And I love that hand. But sometimes I think about the relationship that I have with my mother and I get a little sad thinking that I will never have that with my daughter.  Although it doesn't mean I can't have just as close of a relationship with my boys.

The boys are just getting old enough that they are starting to play with each other and don't need us every moment of the day and that feels GREAT! I love the thought of being able to have more time with my husband again and the thought of going on vacation without diapers (hopefully soon!). The four of us just fit so well together like a four piece puzzle. We play and laugh and love each other. Having a one-on-one ratio of parent to child seems to just work and I don't know if another child would throw off that beautiful balance.

For now, I am going to enjoy the life I have and not think too much about the "ifs" and the "buts."