The Path You Choose

Wow, reading last night’s post I realize how bitter I sound. I didn’t think I was bitter but maybe I am and this may be the reason why.

My husband just got the job of a lifetime. His dream job. And I’m so happy to for him. We’ve been working towards this opportunity for a long time and he finally got it! And I’m so proud of him. He deserves this and more.

But, it reminds me of what I have had to give up. My dream job. My once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. No one made me give it up. I wanted to. I wanted to be with my children, to be at home for my family and to be a good mother and wife. And I knew that I couldn’t be those things and also go after all the opportunities that the world could offer me.

Do I regret it? How could I regret being a mother to my two precious boys who give my life meaning and joy? How could I regret being a wife that is there to support and care for the husband she loves? How could I regret building a home for my family? No, I don’t regret it.

But part of me will always be a little sad that I can’t have it all. And maybe a little bitter that I can’t go after the brass ring with all I’ve got and fly through the air to whatever great destination that takes me.

I know I can’t. But maybe some women can. Maybe there are women out there that can go full force towards their professional goals and can also be the mothers and wives that they want to be. I envy them. I don’t judge them. Because I know that each woman has to make that decision for herself and live every day with the result of that decision: the decision that will change her life forever, the decision that takes her down one path but may close off a hundred other paths that she could have taken.

My decision has brought me here, to this exact moment where I can own both my joys and my sorrows. And to where I can make that decision again knowing that it is the right one for me.