Don't Touch!

I'm SO embarrassed. I can't believe I touched her so many times. When I get nervous and excited I do the craziest things. And then when I have a moment of reflection I become mortified (usually within minutes). When I'm doing it, it feels so fun, natural, friendly...but when I look back at it, I can see how it's just awkward. Oh God, why am I so NUTS! She must think I'm so weird. I can see her right now telling her husband about it "sweetie, did I tell you about the strange woman in the park today that kept touching me?"

OK, let me explain. I went to a neighborhood picnic today for the July 4th holiday. I've dragged my family to these every year and regretted it every single time. I always think it will be fun for the kids...parade, hot dogs, ice cream, lots of kids...what could be better? But it's usually seriously hot and sticky, crazy crowded (the kind where you're saying "excuse me" a thousand times as you try to find a tiny patch of grass to call your own) and you can't see anyone you remotely recognize. My husband hesitated when I suggested we go but I told him this year would be different. You see, this year, I was asked by one of the women in the neighborhood to participate in a "cake walk." I didn't care what that mean, I was just happy to be part of a neighborhood event. I did as I was told and brought a cake. It turned out that the cake walk was a lot of fun and the picnic was actually fun too. We all gathered around a table set up in the basketball courts and played a game of "musical numbers" to see who got who's cake (the only down side was that I was one of the few moms that didn't actually MAKE a cake...yup, I went straight to Whole Foods and bought one...what can I tell you, I'm just not a cake making kinda gal, I'm happy to make a big meal any day of the week but cakes I don't do).

So when did all the touching happen you might ask. It was during this cake event that I started my overly friendly woman-handling. We were all gathered around the cakes talking about the rules of the game and I just felt so happy and included. I know it's silly, I'm a grown woman, married with kids, an established career, a wonderful home and great friends but I still sometimes yearn to just feel "included." Is that terrible? At that moment, I felt included and happy and kind of giddy (the kind that erases my appropriate behavior monitor). So as we were talking about the cakes, one of the most "established" neighborhood women started talking about how her cake didn't look so good. So I started assuring her that her cake looked great and probably tasted even better and in doing so I felt the need (oh, how I wish I could take it back now) to touch this woman over and over again...on her arm, her back, her shoulder...like we were life long friends from Italy where touching is just part of our culture! Yikes. She's as far from Italian as you can get AND we barely know each other! The pièce de résistance was when I grabbed both her hands in mine and said something like "don't worry, your cake is going to be huge hit!" While I'm saying this, I've graduated from her hands to actually HOLDING HER ARMS...this woman I've said 10 words to in my entire life! What happened after that is kind of a blur, lots of moms, lots of kids, music, numbers, cake...and we're done.

While walking home, I kept replaying it in my mind. Was it really as bad as I think it was? Probably not. It could have been worse, I could have given her a giant hug and said "you like me, you really really LIKE me!"